Hello, followers, old and new! It’s been almost three months since my last post. Most of you know that I’ve been at basic training these last couple months. I’ve been bombarded with messages asking me how it was and how I’m doing.
I was very nervous before I got there. I had no idea what I was getting into. I didn’t know how I was going to pull this off. I am literally the world’s biggest baby, and here I am putting myself in an environment where I’m forced to swallow any kind of emotion and fear. My husband has been my anchor, and I chose to separate myself from him to do this. I’m sure if I was watching myself from the outside, I would’ve thought I was freaking crazy for taking me out of my comfort zone.
And, boy, was I way out of my comfort zone. As soon as I arrived, I had to turn in everything I brought with me. I couldn’t have my own clothes or anything. No trace of where I came from. Because it didn’t matter. They replaced all of my belongings with issued clothing and gear. They locked up any piece of who I was in a closet, not to be accessed again for 10 weeks.
I’ve been making my own decisions since the age of 18. But all of a sudden, at the age of 22, I had no choice in anything. Every minute of my life was planned out for two and a half months. I was told what to wear everyday. I had to ask permission to do things like use the restroom. Any mistake was followed by “corrective action”, which was usually a physical activity.
I got to do things that I never thought I would be able to do. I completed obstacle courses that required strength I didn’t even know I had. I even got stronger. I couldn’t give up just because I got a little tired, like I was used to doing. I had to push pass that wall I always hit physically. I am now aware of what my body is capable of doing.
I am trained to kill. Me. Like I would never see myself as someone who was capable of being threatening at all. And if the time comes to where I have to sacrifice my life for the people I love, I won’t hesitate to do so. I’m actually anticipating for that time to come. I didn’t join the army in vain. My first duty is to be a soldier, no matter what my actual job will be.
I had to live with 60 other females. And you can only imagine how that was. My patience has improved tremendously. My tolerance for chaos has increased. And my social anxiety has gotten way better. To where people would never even guess that I had it. I even made lifelong friends. I have joined a brotherhood where I’ll always have someone there. I will never be alone.
Three months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what confidence was. Now, I can feel myself walk with it. Everything I have accomplished up to this point has shown me that I can do anything. I really can. I can do things for myself. I am a part of something way bigger than myself, and it’s an organization to be damn proud of. And this is something that absolutely nobody will be able to take from me. I did this on my own. It wasn’t handed to me. I have earned it.
This has been the best decision I have made. No doubt about it. And I can’t wait to see what my future holds. I will be successful, and I will make everyone proud.